My Year In Poems

long forgotten myths wandering through traditions, gone are the dragons. 

asleep next to me she snores as if nothing in the world could wake her from this peaceful slumber, spent from her constant embodiment of kind and excited and warm. to me she is perfect, here in this moment my best friend. dancing next to me she sings as if nothing could ever bring her down and all the world is at peace, because this song i am playing has made her joyous and happy and content. to me she is perfect, here in this moment my best friend. laughing next to me she smiles as if nothing will ever be this funny again and she has no cares in her mind because something funny has made her giggle and cheerful and flawless together we are perfect, here in this moment me and my mom.

the sun sets early, the tractors pull in  and  pumpkins scatter doorsteps,  cornstalks  make a hiding place  for  squirrels and their predators while scarecrows with birds roosting atop their shoulders litter empty fields   tiny paw prints dance through the snow chased by slightly larger ones,   cardinals perch in evergreen trees and the rest of the animals  lay  buried cozy inside a cave  waiting for longer days and warmer air. baby birds balance on blooming buds their mothers not far away, hunting for the worms who have  come up to enjoy the rain and the frogs sitting on lily pads  drift gently through thawing ponds crickets sing their cheerful tune at all hours of the day, while  butterflies decorate the mild breeze, waltzing around the blush colored peonies, short lived and  cherished,  living barefoot in the grass.

you’re with me in my dreams, you know just like you’re always in my heart. even though i can’t always remember   how you smiled, so long we’ve been apart next to notebooks filled with your thoughts i can see in my mind the faded chair since you left that seat they repaired it and your ideas are replaced with a teddy bear i hope you know how much i miss you how much i strive to make you proud i think you can see me, can’t you, when you’re up there floating among the clouds? i wish you could only see the good things but maybe you can see my anger and jealousy are you with me when i’m crying alone? am i still worthy of your legacy? you’re with me in my dreams, you know just like your always in my heart even though i can’t always remember how you smiled, we’ve never really been apart

to see the stars and   exploding galaxies and burning planets, all the beautiful   and  painful destruction we classify as space, to see the worlds and   maybe aliens, other civilizations, or to find places on planets for us. a rocket ship could   take me far away to a place where it doesn’t matter whether or not your life is perfect but no matter how   far  away a rocket ship   could take me, i wouldn’t   go without you. i wouldn’t   take off  without you. i wouldn’t see the stars without you

brown and panicked her eyes look into my own for answers to big questions i don't know how to answer hazel and full of tears her eyes look into my own for someone to tell her that it will be okay she'll be fine tawny and smiling her eyes look into my own as she is running towards me happy and laughing and free coffee colored and calm her eyes look into my own our friendship cemented somehow these past weeks unspoken chocolate and crying her eyes look into my own tears adorning both our faces this was goodbye for a while chestnut eyes running towards me just like they used to embracing me crying tears of joy just glad to be together looking into each others eyes.

i locked the door behind me and threw six pairs of size ten jeans onto the chair of the dressing room i hoped that somehow they would fit over the curves of my thighs and hips just enough that maybe i wouldn’t cry every time i looked into a mirror and want to be someone i am not, who i don’t see myself becoming i am told to love and embrace myself, but they only show me skinny girls embracing thigh gaps and tiny waists my own mother constantly asks me ‘should you eat that? i worry about your figure’ and i can no longer fit into those jeans so i wear the same three pairs of leggings and the same four dresses that don’t accentuate how big i think my ass is and i always wear a necklace or a scarf to cover and distract from the part of my stomach that hangs over my waistband and i’m back in the dressing room a sking again if this makes me look fat because it isn’t a joke to me anymore i think they all make me look fat and my mother still tells me that she’s ‘worr...

dancing free and wild and together chaotic and everywhere calm and contained hands up in the air because we really don’t care you dance like you can change the world with the way you move your hips or clap your hands or sing i dance like angry winds, volatile and strong, have control over my feet moving and my hair flying and my laugh we are free in this moment dancing together our many problems long forgotten, the smiles on our faces more real because we don’t get many of these dances or friends in our lifetime, and i’m glad we spend it free and wild and together, dancing. 

a ship pulls up to a creaking dock in the silent corners of midnight and patiently waits for passengers to board while wild wind rams into beaten sails raising swiftly the ancient brow and disembarking from the shore, the boat prepares to spend the evening making people's dreams come true. the zephyr sings, whistling a lullaby as the daylight sinks into orange flames. dreamboat, they call it, this vessel is a fishing boat, a military vessel, a tiny sailboat, or an intimidating pirate ship, this ship is what you want it to be, any thing your mind could think of it goes where you want to go, any place your heart desires. it knows your subconscious and can knot your stomach or ease your head. dream boat, they call it.

i can pick petals off of daisies and fantasize about marriage he loves me he loves me not but it's a mystery to me how i get people to like me back? he loves me he loves me not will someone please tell me the secret of how these infantile crushes he loves me he loves me not grow into something worthy of fairy tales he loves me he loves me not because whenever i look at him all i can hear is the daisies shouting back at me he loves you? not.

outside my window sits a bird on a tree yellow, happy, chirping and carefree outside my window i watch grass grow green shoots thriving in the suns warm glow outside my window i watch you with her gazing into her eyes with a cliched glamour outside my window i watch seasons pass leaves to snow to flowers to sunshine and grass outside my window i watch whole lives go by i see people meet people i watch love bloom and die i am stuck here staring at the silhouette of a crow wishing that i could be outside my window